There’s a lot going on for my husband’s family.
First there was the early birth of my nephew, his subsequent hospitalization in the NICU and diagnosis of Down’s Syndrome. Then 2 nights ago my husband’s sister wrecked her car in a DUI. Keep in mind she is a recovering drug addict. Who should not be drinking.
When he and I met 8 years ago, I couldn’t fathom the hows or whys behind his estrangement from his sister. It never occurred to me that families could be like that. I was so lucky to have a sister like Jen. But to someone who had been continuously hurt, lied to and used, walking away from her, while no easy task, was the only option. He did it for self-preservation.
It really irked me that they didn’t talk. The rest of the family was in contact with her and I felt so left out. After she had her son, my darling almost 7 year old nephew, I pushed him to try to close the gap. I wrote her a letter. 18 months after his birth, we finally met. From there I worked very hard to know her, to like her, to have her like me. My husband was cautious but accepting. She had been clean for a number of years and seemed to be on a good path.
Everything started going downhill about a year and a half ago. She’s been different, lying, drinking, quick to anger. And now this.
I feel guilty sometimes because it is all my doing that brought them back together. And while it was ok at first, I have really been the catalyst for my husband to be hurt and used again and again. Yet on the flip side, we have been able to develop a wonderful relationship with my nephew. So there’s good with the bad.
But now…she needs help. I don’t know what exactly will happen. In the past, my husband’s parents have asked us if we’d be willing to take my nephew into our home and care for him, raise him, if it ever became necessary and we always say YES. Without a doubt we would take him. I would be terrified but that is what you do for your family. And I know it would suck at first but we’d get through it and he would eventually adjust.
My husband’s mom called him yesterday to tell him what had happened, crying, asking once again if we’d take my nephew. Nothing is set in stone now and most likely won’t happen for a number of months but it is a possibility.
He is so angry. Angry at her and what she’s doing to her son. Angry at her selfish actions and the consequences we all have to face because of them. As if his parents don’t have enough going on with their new grandson, she goes and pulls this shit. It is so selfish but really, she’s an addict. And the only one she cares about is herself.
Now I am getting a taste of what he has gone through in the past. I can finally understand why he did what he did. I feel so sad for him that he has had to know this pain and has to relive it again. At the same time, he is 10 years older, much wiser, a good man with a huge heart and so much love to give. When he walked away from her last time, it was to save himself. This time, I know he’ll walk away from her but not from his responsibility as an uncle and godfather to his nephew. And at least now I’ll be here, next to him along the way. Hopefully it won’t be so lonely this time around.