There is so much going on here and I just can’t find time to write. I turn on the computer in the morning while Sunshine and I have breakfast and then I don’t get a chance to turn it on again until after she has gone to bed for the night. By that time I am usually exhausted so I check some stuff, do some email and then I’m off to bed. I am sorry for ignoring the blog and my readers.
I also have a lot of swirling emotions regarding Jen, my niece, and my BIL. I’ve recently begun to see my therapist again after a year hiatus and it has been good but hard. I have been so focused on my baby and my new life, I have let everything else fall to the wayside or I’ve just buried it instead of dealing with it. And now it comes back out.
I am having a lot of trouble facing my feelings and admitting the truth to myself. Today, for the first time, I spoke about it to my husband. I have been ashamed and unable to put my feelings into words. But I know it’s not healthy to keep this stuff buried so I’m working on not only putting it into words but letting it go. This will take a lot of time; I hope it will be worth it in the end.
In the meantime, my Sunshine will turn ONE YEAR OLD this Sunday. I can’t believe it. Just cannot believe one year has passed since she was born (did I ever mention it was an emergency c-section?) and changed my life forever in the most wonderful way possible. We are having a small party at our house with family and a few friends. I will post some pics when I can…but don’t hold your breath waiting! It could be a while. :)
May 23, 2009 at 10:14 pm |
I can never begin to imagine losing a sister…or having a sister, for that matter. But I would think that after the initial time of relishing and soaking in Sunshine’s arrival and daily splendor, that some of the Jenn, BIL, neice stuff would rear it’s head once again. I just started therapy 3 weeks ago. People told me that my eating issues would “get worse before they get better” and now I (being that it’s true)…I face the possibility that my wedding dress will not fit and yet I’ll be more at peace. I guess a split seam is worth inner peace.
I wish your Sunshine an amazing 1st birthday. I’ll have pics, too, of my nephew’s 1st birthday celebration on my blog soon enough. I don’t post much either lately. I don’t want to be that depressed, binge-eating, blogger who posts about weird-getting-married-panic-food every day. So, I just enjoy other blogs and totally understand how life can keep you from posting. But I do love when you post!
Happy Birthday to your daughter. I can’t wait to see pics.
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