Dear Jen,
Tomorrow is your birthday and you would have turned 40.
For breakfast I’m going to make chocolate chip banana pancakes–your favorite. Well, I’m adding the banana in to give them some oomph for the kids. But I know you would have loved this recipe. I’m also going to make cupcakes so we can sing to you. I haven’t eaten chocolate in 2 weeks but I’m going to break it for you. I would do anything for you. Actually, you don’t have to twist my arm here to eat chocolate. Our favorite.
I’ve been missing you so much lately, even more than usual. My days are bright but my heart is still heavy with all those sad, lonely, lost, confused feelings I have. I know they won’t ever fully go away but I wonder how long it will take for it to lift a little. It’s not as fresh anymore but I’m still totally and completely destroyed.
Sunshine asks for you regularly and talks about you. I’m doing my job, Jen, passing down your memory so they won’t ever forget you. I want you to be more than a dusty memory of Mommy’s sister. I want you to be tangible.
I found some old videos on my computer you had taken when Ash was a baby and hearing your voice again was magical. I won’t ever forget it.
I love you with all my heart, forever and ever. I love and miss you every day.
Love, me.
